I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!
I spent the last hour of my work day being terrified about telling the GM I was interested in a management position. The owner came in during that hour, and my nerves got worse. They were surprisingly not overwhelming, though.
There's this quote on my user info page, "courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear" (paraphrased). So I kept telling myself this. I kept telling myself "this is more important than my fear, this is more important than my fear".
So I went to clock out and the owner was on the phone, and their son was in the office, and the GM was talking to me about the time clock issues, and I just left after I clocked out. It just felt like the wrong time. I went outside, got in my car, and sat there. I kept telling myself to go and that I could tell them tomorrow, but after a few moments, I made myself go back inside and back to the office, doing my little mantra: "This is more important than my fear, this is more important than my fear".
The owner was off the phone when I came back in, and both him and the GM (his wife, for those of you not paying attention) were sitting there. Their son was still there, but really? He's 18 and barely does any work around there. I seriously doubt there was a problem speaking in front of him. I said something like "I don't know what positions are left to be filled at the new hotel, but I just wanted to let you know that if there was any sort of front desk management positions, I would be very interested."
His response? "I know. Trust me, we've got our eyes on everyone." I think by the way he said it, that's a good sign. And he's been telling me to set the bar, etc. I hope I'm not getting my hopes up, but it looks good. :)
I probably made a fool of myself, though. I had no pockets so I was clutching my keys in front of myself, and the first thing the GM said to me was "what's wrong?" Which either means she assumed something was wrong that I would come back inside, or that I looked terrified. Probably both. And fuck if I remember what I said after he said they were watching everyone. I don't remember how I said goodbye. Nothing. I just remember what I said about the position, and his reply, and the rest was a blur of omgjafjHFK;GHjfk;HGJHHJK;AShjk;omg.
But I did it. I did it! A year ago I wouldn't have been able to. It's almost a sign of all the progress I've made.