new drug!

Apr. 2nd, 2010 12:26 pm
severity_softly: (goth detectives - b/c they were in love)
Been in a REALLY bad place for the last week or two.

It's probably too soon to tell, but I think Seroquel may be my new best friend.
severity_softly: (boosh - fst sunflash/booblay)
So I'm off for the next two days. I spent today at work being depressed because of that. Isn't that the most messed up thing ever? I've gotten to the point that my depression is so bad on my days off that I don't even want them. I did get in to therapy this afternoon, though. I think talking about it helped, and we've added Welbutrin to my repertoire of head meds. The Prozac obviously had no middle ground between feeling emotionless and crying all the time. So we left the Prozac where it is and added the new drug. Hopefully it will help balance me out without making me a zombie. I hadn't realized how bad that actually was until now.

I have some plans for tomorrow, though. Hopefully that will make the day easier. I'm meeting my sponsor at a noon AA meeting. Then later [livejournal.com profile] carolinecrane is taking me out for dinner before we go to another writers group meet up. We'll see if that goes better than the last one.

So I haven't really been talking much about work here, but there is some stuff to catch up on. Our owner is building a new property (well, I think it's almost finished, actually), and he's been talking about bringing people over there to help open the new property. He's told me he wants me to "set the standard", and I have been trying to do that. I know he often (at least he used to) promotes from within, and I'm really hoping that I will be considered for a managers position. The problem is that I'm afraid I might be getting my hopes up for a position that's not even on the table. Dr. M says I should just outright ask him, that I should make it known that I want that. This is a prospect that terrifies me. Any thoughts, guys?

Randomly, I was talking to my sponsor today, and God came up again. What she said was something that had been talked about in the convention too. The AA thing is "God either is or he isn't". If forced to make that choice right now, I would say he isn't. So where does that leave me in AA? *sigh*
severity_softly: (it crowd - fail!)
And I'm depressed again.

Also, I've had five calls so far from collectors today. If any of you want to give me $4,000 to get out of debt, that might do a lot for the depression. Heh.
severity_softly: (boosh - fst charlie red)
Got a lot accomplished today! :) I returned a Xmas sweatshirt and got a nice shirt instead. Got my driver's license renewed (the husband paid). We got the dogs (and cat) a giant dog bed with a Xmas gift card, and currently only the cat and one of the dogs is using. The second dog seems entirely unsure of this new addition to our apartment. LOL Oh, and we got 50% off a heart shaped box of chocolates, and Cadburry Creme Eggs! Omgguystheyaresooogood.

...Aaaaaaand I just lost all will to finish writing this. It was supposed to be an upbeat post, but I've suddenly hit a wall of depression again. Fun times. My sponsor and Innerslytherin both have told me that my days off seem the hardest for me. It sure as hell isn't because I miss my job. I thought maybe it was because I wasn't keeping myself occupied, so I went out and did a lot of stuff I'd been putting off, but that doesn't seem to have staved off the depression either. Maybe next Wednesday I try exercise? *sigh* I need more local friends. And I need a bipolar tag. Why don't I already have one?

Dude, do I tag this with "yayz!" or "woes" or both? *headdesk*
severity_softly: (misc - happy pills)
Dr. M called me and left a message strongly advising me not to get off my meds abruptly. I haven't actually talked to her, but I still want to do it.

ETA: Just talked to her. She told me not to do anything rash and we should talk about doing it on my next visit. I hate this. I hate the waiting. I want to do it now. She said maybe I should wait until I've had a year of sobriety, then we could gradually ween me off the meds and see what happens. Fuck that shit.

Urgh

Jan. 3rd, 2010 11:46 am
severity_softly: (boosh - naboo sadface)
Depression again. I've been so fragile lately. Apparently if you don't use "*G*", smileys, or "*hugs*" when you talk to me online right now, I'm interpreting it as, "I hate you, Jenn." Just so you know. *siiiiiiiiiigh*

ETA: Ohh Guuuys, I wasn't fishing for digital hugs or compliments, I swear. *headdesk*
severity_softly: (misc - alcohol impairs judgment)
Well, that little experiment failed. I was miserable and scared a few days ago, and it was briefly relieved, but now I'm just miserable and scared again.

I had 322 days. Now I have zero.

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