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severity_softlyTitle: Noble Tradition
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
severity_softly
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh
Rating: PG
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Word count: ~500
Summary: Howard plants a garden.
Notes: This was written forcrowson75, who did me a lovely favor. Her prompt was tomatoes. :) Beta'd by the very sweet nebula99.
"You're planting a garden?" Vince asked, peering around Howard's shoulder at the small plant.
"Yes, sir." Howard was wielding the little hoe like a badge of honor. It was so ridiculous that Vince had to fight hard not to drag Howard to the floor and have his way with him. "It's a very noble tradition, Vince, one passed down from generation to generation. Farming, working the land... There's nothing quite like it, oh no. The smell of the soil, the nurturing of life, of nature--"
"Nurturing of life? It's not a baby or anyth--"
Howard raised his voice to cut him off. "The feel of accomplishment when you eat food grown by your own hand."
"It's a window box, Howard; It's not even a garden."
Howard gave Vince an annoyed glance. "Yes, I know, but I can't grow tomatoes in the concrete outside, can I?"
"Have you tried? I once saw a weed as tall as my leg growing up out of the cracks in the pavement!" Howard gave Vince a look. Vince knew that look. It was the 'you're an idiot' look, but he didn't much care. "Anyway, why d'you want to grow tomatoes anyway?"
"They're good for you, Vince. They're good for your..." Howard searched for the word. "...knuckles."
"Yeah, well my knuckles are just fine thanks," Vince said, and flexed his fingers to prove it. "And tomatoes are all squishy and gelatinous. They've got goo-covered alien eggs in them."
Howard finally turned around fully to face Vince, and put the hoe down. "What is it with you and fruit and eggs? Tarantula eggs in bananas, porcupine eggs in peaches, alien eggs in tomatoes."
"Yeah," Vince said, nodding and smiling.
"Porcupines don't lay eggs."
Vince blinked at Howard for a moment. They didn't? "Yeah, well, if they did, that's what it would look like, a peach stone."
Howard lifted a hand to cover his eyes and took a deep, slow breath. Vince knew that look too. It was the 'I'm going to beat you with the nearest blunt object in a moment' look. It was fortunate Vince knew a foolproof way to get that look off Howard's face. He leaned in and brushed his lips to Howard's.
Howard sucked in another sharper breath and dropped his hand to look at Vince. His expression had softened.
"Do you think it's true what they say about plants growing better if you talk to them?" Vince asked, leaning in against Howard.
"I dunno," Howard said. "Probably not."
"D'you think it would be good for your tomato plant if, instead of talking, we let it listen to us have sex?"
Howard's lips parted, and he watched Vince for a moment. "That... makes my tomatoes sound a little voyeuristic... And I highly doubt there's been any research to support that theory."
Vince grinned and kissed Howard again, parting his lips and drawing it out. "Maybe we should do some research of our own."
Author:
severity_softlyFandom: The Mighty Boosh
Rating: PG
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Word count: ~500
Summary: Howard plants a garden.
Notes: This was written for
crowson75, who did me a lovely favor. Her prompt was tomatoes. :) Beta'd by the very sweet nebula99."You're planting a garden?" Vince asked, peering around Howard's shoulder at the small plant.
"Yes, sir." Howard was wielding the little hoe like a badge of honor. It was so ridiculous that Vince had to fight hard not to drag Howard to the floor and have his way with him. "It's a very noble tradition, Vince, one passed down from generation to generation. Farming, working the land... There's nothing quite like it, oh no. The smell of the soil, the nurturing of life, of nature--"
"Nurturing of life? It's not a baby or anyth--"
Howard raised his voice to cut him off. "The feel of accomplishment when you eat food grown by your own hand."
"It's a window box, Howard; It's not even a garden."
Howard gave Vince an annoyed glance. "Yes, I know, but I can't grow tomatoes in the concrete outside, can I?"
"Have you tried? I once saw a weed as tall as my leg growing up out of the cracks in the pavement!" Howard gave Vince a look. Vince knew that look. It was the 'you're an idiot' look, but he didn't much care. "Anyway, why d'you want to grow tomatoes anyway?"
"They're good for you, Vince. They're good for your..." Howard searched for the word. "...knuckles."
"Yeah, well my knuckles are just fine thanks," Vince said, and flexed his fingers to prove it. "And tomatoes are all squishy and gelatinous. They've got goo-covered alien eggs in them."
Howard finally turned around fully to face Vince, and put the hoe down. "What is it with you and fruit and eggs? Tarantula eggs in bananas, porcupine eggs in peaches, alien eggs in tomatoes."
"Yeah," Vince said, nodding and smiling.
"Porcupines don't lay eggs."
Vince blinked at Howard for a moment. They didn't? "Yeah, well, if they did, that's what it would look like, a peach stone."
Howard lifted a hand to cover his eyes and took a deep, slow breath. Vince knew that look too. It was the 'I'm going to beat you with the nearest blunt object in a moment' look. It was fortunate Vince knew a foolproof way to get that look off Howard's face. He leaned in and brushed his lips to Howard's.
Howard sucked in another sharper breath and dropped his hand to look at Vince. His expression had softened.
"Do you think it's true what they say about plants growing better if you talk to them?" Vince asked, leaning in against Howard.
"I dunno," Howard said. "Probably not."
"D'you think it would be good for your tomato plant if, instead of talking, we let it listen to us have sex?"
Howard's lips parted, and he watched Vince for a moment. "That... makes my tomatoes sound a little voyeuristic... And I highly doubt there's been any research to support that theory."
Vince grinned and kissed Howard again, parting his lips and drawing it out. "Maybe we should do some research of our own."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 12:21 am (UTC)Awww gardener!Howard is so cute!
Love this it's a cute little idea! =D
xxx
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Date: 2009-09-05 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 03:01 am (UTC)That's one of the silliest and most wonderful lines I've ever read! Brilliance. LOL :)
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Date: 2009-09-05 05:00 am (UTC)"It's a very noble tradition, Vince, one passed down from generation to generation. Farming, working the land... "
"It's a window box, Howard; It's not even a garden."
"Yeah, well, if they did, that's what it would look like, a peach stone."
"That... makes my tomatoes sound a little voyeuristic..."
AMUSED.
very so.
x x x
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Date: 2009-09-05 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 08:23 am (UTC)xx
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Date: 2009-09-05 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 10:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:06 am (UTC)Thank you darling. *huggles* Love it. :)
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Date: 2009-09-05 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 12:18 pm (UTC)Especially this:- "D'you think it would be good for your tomatoes plant if, instead of talking, we let it listen to us have sex?"
Yep, that's our Vincey.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 12:37 pm (UTC)noble tradition
Date: 2009-09-05 11:53 pm (UTC)Re: noble tradition
Date: 2009-09-06 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-06 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-06 04:44 pm (UTC)I'm gonna go cover my keyhole with a sock, now.
Thank you for informing me of their inherent perversity.
(Lovely!)
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Date: 2009-09-08 11:25 am (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2009-09-11 07:11 am (UTC)And I'm quite in love with the idea of voyeuristic tomatoes...
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Date: 2009-09-12 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 07:53 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2009-09-12 07:54 pm (UTC)