I might be a little beligerent.

[severity_softly]

Dr. M called me and left a message strongly advising me not to get off my meds abruptly. I haven't actually talked to her, but I still want to do it.

ETA: Just talked to her. She told me not to do anything rash and we should talk about doing it on my next visit. I hate this. I hate the waiting. I want to do it now. She said maybe I should wait until I've had a year of sobriety, then we could gradually ween me off the meds and see what happens. Fuck that shit.

Comments

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

What makes you want to do this and go cold turkey?

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Because I want to know who I am without a drug in my system. And I'm tired of finding it a chore to write on my own lately. I'm just sick of it.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I totally understand that. I do think you should have a long talk with your therapist about this though I dont necesarily believe you have to agree with everything she has to say about the situation. In the end the decision is yours only.

I wish you the best of luck in making it. It cant be easy.

[innerslytherin]

I think she's 100% right about the sobriety though. Have you really considered what going off your meds might do to your cravings? You want to know who you are without meds, but going off the meds is going to increase your emotional turmoil, there's just no way around that. And an increase in emotional turmoil doesn't sound like a good way to stay sober. You know, there are other meds out there that you could try that might not stifle your creativity and could also help with your cravings. Wellbutrin is supposed to help with that, I think. I'm pretty sure that's what my high school best friend took while she was quitting smoking.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I'm worried about the physical side effects you could experience.

Weaning off the medications makes the most sense. If you don't want to wait until you've been sober a year, that's your choice, but don't risk damaging your body by stopping everything abruptly.

And I know you don't want to hear this, but be prepared to go back on them. It was three tries and some really rough emotional patches before I could finally go off mine completely. I'm still on my heart medication -- which weirdly enough helps my moods too -- and I still take other prescriptions like the massive amounts of vitamin D to prevent my osteopena from getting worse again.

eta: I just saw innerslytherin remark about Wellbutrin. That, in time released form, was my antidepressant. It has the interesting side effect of increasing sexual desire in many women (including this one *G*). I really think it helped me stay stable and find my creativity. Stepping down from it was awkward because they don't make time release in small enough doses, but it finally worked.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

The key word is "abruptly." It doesn't mean you can't get off them. It means that if you stop abruptly, you'll get sick.

Ask Dr. Google what happens if you stop these meds abruptly. I'll bet there is information on the web about it. If you can't find it under the drug brand names, go look at the labels and use the technical ones to search.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

That was my anti-depressant as well, when my doctor and I finally found one that gave me help without so many other side effects. I was on it for four years and was weaned off. I didnt take the time release though.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I know there's one like that that she's mentioned, but I can't remember what it's called. Maybe that was it.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I take blood pressure pills as well as vitamins with my barrage of head meds. It's ridiculous the amount of pills I swallow every morning and evening. Utterly ridiculous.

And I am prepared to have to go back on them. I expect it. I know they help me, but I want to know what I'm like not on drugs. I'll check into Wellbutrin, though. I have zero sex drive on what I'm one. My poor husband. *g*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I think I quit the lamictal and prozac all at once the November before last with no problem. Of course, I was drinking heavily, so maybe I just missed it.

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it, cause I HATE being on meds, too, but depending on what you take, sometimes it does REALLY bad things if you go off of them cold turkey. I've had fainting fits (SO not fun) and withdrawal symptoms that made me feel like I was in hell itself. (This is SO especially true with Effexor. If you're taking it-- and I don't know if you are or aren't-- don't EVER go off it cold turkey or the withdrawal will just about kill you).

It's hard being on meds. It's especially hard knowing that everyone else's brain chemistry is fine and by some fucked up fluke of nature yours isn't. I hate thinking that I have to be chemically programmed, not just for happiness but for basic sanity. But at this point, now that I've found something that REALLY and truly works (after YEARS of med trials), I'm really grateful to have it.

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure it's the best decision for you and for your health.

Thus ends the sermon ;)

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

Whoops, one more thing, since I just saw this in your comments section.

I think it is DEEPLY ridiculous the amount of pills most of us have to take. I take five to control my bipolar disorder, all in varying dosages and for various reasons. Add to that vitamins, sleeping pills (as needed), pain pills for muscle aches, and the ocasional cold remedy and it feels like I've got more fucking chemicals in my system than a lab rat!

If your doctor is REALLY good at her/his job, they'll take into careful consideration what you take, how much of it you're taking, and whether it's necessary. My doc's been trying to wean me off some of the five meds to see if I can do without some of them. Sadly, we're finding that the cocktail works better than any of them do alone. So, yeah, I know exactly what you mean-- it feels awful not to know what you're actually like without the pills and chemicals and stuff, but like I mentioned before, I look at my quality of life now as opposed to then and see a world of difference.

It's a difficult journey you're on. Stay strong.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I'm just feeling angry at the moment. I'm pissed off that it has to be this way for the rest of my life. I fully expect that if I went off the meds, I would be back on them eventually, but I want to just feel what my personal "normal" is, even if it's fucked up. I know it is, and I've known for far longer than I've been diagnosed. *sigh* I know my quality of life is better now, and I appreciate that, but I just want to feel. I don't know. I'm just angry and I'm not usually. I might be just a teensy manic, but of course it's not the good, productive, creative manic I used to get. Heh.

I started off with one med and am up to three now (Lamictal, Prozac, and Geodon). Plus my blood pressure medication. Then vitamins. It takes at least five swallows (I counted; I am OCD as well) to get them all down in the morning, and two at night, and that's just annoying. Ugh. I did stop the Lamictal and Prozac very abruptly the November before last, but I may have missed the withdrawal symptoms because I was drinking then. The Geodon, which I wasn't taking then, is the one that worries me the most, though, since I was very sensitive to it at first.

Anyway, I am babbling now. Sorry.