Writer's Block: No regrets

[severity_softly]

[Error: unknown template qotd]

I would take away the crushing depression. I wouldn't want to get rid of sadness all together, because if there were no lows, the highs wouldn't be as good. I'm talking about the kind of depression that makes me want to throw myself under a bus. Why would I eliminate it? Because it's probably not advisable to jump in front of a bus. It might damage the bus. Plus the husband couldn't pay the rent on his own. :P

Loneliness and boredom would be next on the list. I can haz less of dees pleese?

Comments

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

YES. THAT. It does seem a little strange not to have the lows, especially because I've never really had the highs, but it is good not to have the "i want to throw myself into the pit of doom" feeling.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Never really had the highs? Like ever, or since you've been on meds? I miss those 'I will rule the world' feelings. Not that they were healthy, but you know... lol

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

Since I'm bipolar 2, I usually get the deeply depressed moods instead of the mania. Any mania that I get is hypomania, which usually just means a slightly higher than normal energy level-- maybe 10% of what a "normal" manic episode would be for someone else.

So, no, never really had the major highs. I'd get them sometimes before the good meds and they felt totally insane to me then. I was truly manic during the med trials when my doc put me on Abilify and that gave me truly towering "I rule the freaking world!" highs. Then that turned into akathashia (that awful, restless "I'm going to jump out of my skin" feeling) and she had to take me off of it.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I'm bipolar 2 as well, and I am mainly depressive, but I had fantastic highs. I thought I could get straight As in college, that I could ace vet school even when I was afraid of blood/surgery/etc. I thought I could win a marathon, and almost bought a $800 road bike to do it, when I'm afraid of riding bikes. I felt Amazing, with a capitol A and thought there was nothing I couldn't do. I could literally rule the world.

I miss that feeling. Though I would want a more rational version now. There were so many things I thought I would be amazing at and then thought I was a failure later because I wasn't. I had truly major highs without the true manic part. I had crazy hypomanias.