Omg so tirrrrrred

[severity_softly]

Why is it so damn easy to put my foot in my mouth? Er, my foot in my fingers, actually, as I was typing what made me ask this.

So anyway, I literally got no sleep last night. I got out of bed at 3am because I was just getting frustrated that I couldn't sleep. I missed taking my Geodon (the drug that's sedating) last night, and maybe my body decided to fuck itself because of it. I don't know. All I know is 1) I'm going to be chugging highly caffeinated drinks all day, and 2) I have no idea how I am going to make it through work today.

So I was reading the AA Big Book this morning, and something struck me. It's all the God language that I hate. But the book was first printed in 1939 and has remained largely the same. I've been trying to fit a 2010 concept of what "God" is or isn't into a box that was created in 1939. OF COURSE it's not going to fit. But at least now it's sunk in that it doesn't have to.

Of course, this could all just be sleep deprivation speaking. Er, typing.

Comments

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I hope you manage to get through the day.

Yeah, fitting almost anything into a box that old is going to be difficult. I'm glad you're seeing it another way, though I surely wish it would've come to you in dreams than while you couldnt sleep.

[katewallace.livejournal.com]

I think you're on to something there (and it's not just the sleep deprivation). I'm a believer and I was having trouble with how absolute some of the wording in the things you've quoted was... You're right, the 2010 concept of God/Higher Power can't possibly fit into a box made in 1939. I hope this will help you in your fight to over come the siren song of alcohol! *hugs*

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

It makes sense.

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep. I hate it when it happens to me.

Have a better day than you did night.

eta:
In one of those moments of synchronicity that can occur reading friends lists, a friend of mine who is on her last leg to becoming a licensed Counselor talked about "having enough spoons" and someone posted a link to the original description of spoon theory.

I'm passing it along to you.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

The author speaks of lupus, but it worked for me as a metaphor for depression and possibly alcoholism. I think maybe you can look at AA's higher power as an extra spoon in your pocket.