Fuck it

[severity_softly]

I just blew off my sponsor and AA and deleted all but two of the AA numbers off my phone, along with some other old numbers I had just been hanging onto. And I feel better.

I got nine months of sobriety on my own, then I went back to AA and have relapsed four times since then. I'm over it, and I feel like a weight has just been lifted. It works for some people, but it obviously doesn't work for me.

ETA: Just deleted the last two numbers. Now to figure out how to return a book I was loaned without having to get mauled by the group of them.

Comments

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

The rate of recovery is the same with AA and without it.

If not going to meetings worked for you, then go with what worked.

I'm pulling for your health and happiness.

And watch the Penn & Teller Bullshit about AA, they're very good about it.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I'll have to look that up. Wonder if it's on YouTube...

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

You have to do what works best for you, period.

Therapy is also good for alcoholism and there are probably other things as well. Not to mention just being on your own and working things out your own way. No matter what program you're in, you still have to make it on your own so it's probably a better idea not to be in a program that has seen you relapse four times.

The two numbers you kept, are those people you can still communicate with without the common denominator of AA?

ETA: you've answered my question.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

There's also Secular Sobriety (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secular_Organizations_for_Sobriety), which lacks the whole sponsorship/religious component of AA. Good luck no matter what - it definitely sounds like AA wasn't right for you. :)

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I have looked into that, but the closest meeting to me is hours away. :(

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

I agree with what everyone else said: Do what works. Groups aren't for everyone. Group therapy for me was downright depressing and totally counterproductive. If you're stronger without, go with.

Good luck. And remember you can always rely on the rest of us here to keep you on the straight and narrow :)

[ubervirgin.livejournal.com]

I'm with the crowd. Do what works for you.

I will say this, however, when you return the book, you may want to let them know your reasons. You may be less likely to get mauled if you tell them that the group format is just not working for you, causing added stress, and seems to be more of a hindrance than a help.

I'm pulling for you chica. You are a strong little toaster.

[raphael0877.livejournal.com]

Support groups (or any other small group meeting for that matter) never worked for me; they made me more nervous and self-conscious, and always felt unnatural, forced. I felt like I had to perform, and being compulsive I did, but any success was temporary, too. I'm most comfortable just sitting and talking to a some close and trusted friends (actually I only have a couple of friends I truly trust); and for some reason it's almost better if we don't have the same issues, bec. deep down any struggle is our common denominator.

[innerslytherin]

You need to do what works for you. While I was proud of you for jumping into AA and really working the system, I'm also proud of you for deciding it doesn't work for you. From what I understand, at least as many people achieve sobriety without AA as with it, so obviously the system doesn't work for everyone. You know I'll help however I can.

I LOVE YOU!

[rilee16.livejournal.com]

AA is just not for everyone, so don't get into a negative mindset about leaving. I've been sober for 8/1/2 years, and the few times I tried to do AA (at about the 6 month mark), it just made me feel more depressed, more powerless, and more out of control, because I started drinking in the first place to self-medicate a chronic undiagnosed mood disorder.

One-on-one therapy might be more helpful for you than AA, or a one-on-one peer counseling kind of thing.