I am not human.

I just blew off my sponsor and AA and deleted all but two of the AA numbers off my phone, along with some other old numbers I had just been hanging onto. And I feel better.

I got nine months of sobriety on my own, then I went back to AA and have relapsed four times since then. I'm over it, and I feel like a weight has just been lifted. It works for some people, but it obviously doesn't work for me.

ETA: Just deleted the last two numbers. Now to figure out how to return a book I was loaned without having to get mauled by the group of them.

Omg you guys, I can barely keep my eyes open. You'll have to excuse typos, as I am having issues reading/seeing. Yes, I am that tired. I've been awake three hours and am on my third Vault. I may have a stroke before I actually wake up. :/

I'm tired because I couldn't go to sleep last night. Yesterday I went to TCYPAA (which is pronounced tick-ee-pah, and stands for Tennessee Conference of Young People in AA). I went alone and was nervous about that. My sponsor, C, was helping organize the conference, but I expected not to really see her (or anyone I knew--the other two people I know who went left before I got there). Thankfully, that wasn't the case.

I got there around 4 and went to the book study on the "We Agnostics" chapter. I was hoping it would be about being an agnostic in AA and how to deal with the God stuff. Instead it was all about finding God. innerslytherin said maybe it was God trying to tell me something. I told her to stfu. ;)

C plunked down next to me during it, though, and stayed for the rest of the meeting. She handed me a banquet ticket, too. I was just going to eat the free food in the little room off the lobby (it was held at the Crown Plaza downtown), but I think she got a ticket(s?) free for working the event, so I got to eat a fantastic Italian buffet in the ballroom, and actually sit with people I knew.

I was expecting TCYPAA to be huge, and was sort of disappointed that it wasn't, but that was before the speaker meeting. The ballroom was lined with chairs all the way to the back of the room, and I thought there was no way they were going to be filled. But they filled every single seat. The speaker meeting was HUGE! And rowdy! And fun! There were people that came in from other states just to come to TCYPAA. The speaker had some really horrible things he'd done and had happen in his life, but he was really funny too, so it never got too heavy or depressing.

I really enjoyed it. It set me back about $26 (including parking), and that's gonna hurt. It already is, actually. But I'm glad I went. I think it was an important thing for me to attend. I got a lot out of it.

It was the reason I couldn't sleep, though. I got in bed at 10:30, but laid in bed thinking about it until I finally feel asleep around midnight. Ugh. I wish I'd wake up. I wonder if coffee would help or just make me shaky after three Vaults. *sigh* How are you all?