In which I attempt to update...

[severity_softly]

I've been trying to come up with something to say for a few days now. I have been feeling very introverted for a while now. Steph says she's noticed I've been withdrawing for a while, and now that she's pointed it out, I can see it. So I am going to try to attempt a real update. Wish me luck.

So last week I took off from work. I was having a major depressive episode, and none of my meds were working. I was dangerously depressed, and the husband even took off from work too just to make sure I didn't put myself in danger. We added a couple different medications, and finally hit on Seroquel, which seemed to have an immediate effect. Now we're playing with getting rid of the other meds to see if they were even helping. So far, only the Seroquel seems to have had an effect. I'm still depressed, but I don't feel like throwing myself in front of traffic anymore.

Anyway, I have been watching a lot of TV lately. Well, more than normal (which has been close to nothing). I've gotten into Dancing with the Stars, even if I don't know half the contestants. Poor Kate Gosselin. I loved Jon and Kate Plus Eight when I actually caught it (again, rarely watched TV), and the poor woman has been through so much lately. She is a horrible performer, but man is she brave to even attempt DwtS. I can't help but want to see her go far. And it's adorable that she always says 'I love you' to her kids every episode.

I also caught an episode of The Ghost Whisperer, and got sucked into an entire marathon. I watched it for hours, and it is so damn cheesy, but I couldn't stop watching. *sigh* I've been watching Project Runway and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution too.

Also, I really want to call B (the guy who stole money and threatened another employee, then told me he had the hots for me). I could probably find a way to get his number. I know it's a stupid idea, but the guy needs help, and I can't just stop caring about him.

So as you can see, my life has been very exciting. Things have been okay since I came back to work. Not many people have asked questions, thankfully. I have a feeling I can probably kiss the idea of a promotion goodbye, though, between as much as I've been sick this spring and my recent absence. Ugh.

Oh look! A whole entry! I did it! So how are you guys?

Comments

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

Not feeling like throwing yourself in front of traffic is a good feeling.

I noticed you withdrawing as well and I was worried about you but I am glad you are on the road to getting better. I'm figuring that your superiors dont know about your depression. Its a personal decision, and a tough one of course, but I did tell my boss at both my most recent jobs about my diagnosis and medication. Again though, that's a personal decision.

I found myself marathoning In Plain Sight and liking it despite my anti-Mary McCormack stance. I've been writing the longest AU known to man, or at least me, and waiting for Friday like a lover.

Stay strong, Jenn, keep fighting. I dont know if contacting B is a very good idea, if anything because he's a criminal and it might not be good to be associated with him if he commits another crime and he seemed like he may have been a little obsessed with you.

*hugs* ilu.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

*slaps wrist* Don't call B. No one can be helped until they are ready to be.

Help yourself first, and it sounds like that's exactly what you've been doing. It's really great that you've made progress with your medications.

*hugs*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I didn't realize I was withdrawing. I just knew it seemed nearly impossible to write an entry. I'm still finding it hard. My first inclination was to not respond here, as lovely as you are, because I'm just that standoffish right now. Bleh. I need to work on this.

My employers don't know about it. I asked my shrink if I should disclose what was really going on, and she advised me not to, saying that bipolar is so hyped in the media that it might scare people.

I know contacting him isn't a good idea, but I can't help wanting to. *sigh*

ILU2! *hugs*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

But I don't know if he's ready to be helped unless I talk to him. The whole thing that went down at work might have been a wake up call. :(

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I understand all of this. I wont push you in any direction, just know when you're feeling better or want to talk at all I'm here.

It was good to see an update from you anyway, we all care about how you're doing. Losing touch with people I care about has been happening too much so I will check in to see how you're doing even if you dont manage to update like you want to : )

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I wrote you earlier and LJ ate the post.

So let me start with, you are loved. And, from my own experience with depression, you have to help yourself before you can help anyone else. It's like putting on your own oxygen mask before you put on the kid's in an airplane emergency. If you pass out (lose yourself), the kids are screwed anyway.

Medication, friends, and therapy (not much of the last thanks to insurance issues) made a huge difference in my struggle with depression. Time also helped. You need all these things to figure out what's right for you, so you feel human again.

Many hugs and much love.

[innerslytherin]

I think you need to listen to your husband's gut on the B issue. *pets* I know you want to help him, but right now you need to focus on yourself.

Also, I love you. I'm glad the Seroquel is working better. You are precious to me, so you need to take care of yourself.

I have missed you like crazy this week! I LOVE YOU LOTS! <#333333

[coffeecocktails.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the update :-) The time you spent off work sounds really rough, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad things are a bit better now though. I hope you manage to keep looking after yourself, because you're very much worth it <3

I guess you just have to take it easy (much as it's hard) with work. I know I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I need to progress a bit further in my recovery before I can start expect some big boost in responsbility or pay, and in a way that's kind of a relief, if that makes sense.

Take care xx

P.S. Your reviews of Food Revolution are making me want to watch it!