severity_softly: (boosh - howard moon colon explorer)
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Title: The Arduous Wooing of a Tall Northern Jazzy Freak, part V: The Brain Cell That Wouldn't Shut Up
Author: [livejournal.com profile] severity_softly
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh
Rating: a smutty R
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Word count: ~900
Summary: Howard can't get what Vince's brain cell told him out of his mind.
Notes: A tag to "Journey to the Centre of a Punk". This is a new part of the series I've been writing. (Self-beta'd this time, so feel free to poke me if you see a rogue typo. *G*)

Previous Installments: 1. Nightmare After The Nightmare, 2. The Engine of an Aeroplane, 3. With Eyes Closed, 4. Lipstick


Vince only had one brain cell. That was... not entirely unexpected, but slightly concerning. When Howard had told Naboo that Vince was a borderline simpleton, he hadn't been far off, apparently. What was more concerning than the lack of brainpower Vince was capable of, however, was what Vince's brain cell had told Howard when he had been inside Vince.

'I do swing both ways.'

It had sent a funny little jolt through Howard that he couldn't explain. Of course, he couldn't really explore the feeling very well when he was being chased by a murderous Jazz Cell anyway.

When Howard and Lester had expanded back to full size, and the Jazz Cell was gone, off to die a slow death of some punk disease, Vince had jumped up and threw his arms around Howard. It was the second time Vince had hugged him in a couple of weeks, and it was slightly less alarming this time, but not by much.

Howard stiffened, lifted his arms to touch Vince, then put them back down before he did.

"You saved my life, Howard!" Vince said, then pulled back to look at him.

"I helped," Lester announced.

Vince glanced at him and smiled. "Cheers," he said, then looked back at Howard. "That outfit is brilliant!" He gripped Howard's shoulders and looked him up and down. Howard felt his face heat. He pulled back out of Vince's grip quickly, but Vince just kept looking at him.

"Oh, this is much better than those awful cardigans and patterned shirts you normally wear. I knew it was only a matter of time living with my influence before you started to come 'round to my way of thinking." Vince laughed, nodding approvingly. "The scuba look. I knew it'd be the next new thing."

"I haven't come 'round. There's nothing wrong with the way I dress," Howard protested. He saw Naboo and Bollo exchange a look, and frowned deeply.

"Well, not now," Vince said.

"I think these are pretty sexy," Lester said, stroking his hands up and down his body.

"Yeah, well, you can't see, can you?" Howard replied.

"It feels sexy." Lester made a purring sound, stroking his chest and giggling. "Come on, Howard, have fun with it."

"I can't have fun with it. I'm covered in Vince's bodily fluids!" Howard snapped.

Lester just kept touching himself, but Vince pressed his lips together as if he was trying not to laugh. Bollo outright snickered, turning his head as if that disguised it. Howard felt himself go hotter when he realized why they were laughing.

"Oh, sod off," he said, then stormed off toward his room. Vince could deal with all the dead punks in the doorway himself.

Howard shut his door and immediately peeled himself out of the wet suit, then headed to the shower where he turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and stepped under the spray.

'I do swing both ways... I do swing both ways... I do swing both ways,' Vince's brain cell kept repeating in Howard's head, and Howard found himself getting inexplicably hard.

He slumped against the wall of the shower, his forehead resting against his forearm and water streaming down his back, and stared down at his cock.

"You're ridiculous," he told it. "Yes, well, I know what he--it--said, but that doesn't mean anything to me. Anyway, it also said it wasn't really 'feeling it' with me."

'I do swing both ways.'

Howard sighed as his erection pulsed with need. "Stop it," he instructed, but his body didn't listen. "I know it's been a while since you and I have been intimate, but that doesn't mean-- This is Vince we're talking about here. Vince," he argued, but his prick was having none of it.

"All right. Fine. You win. Let's just get it over with, shall we?" he said irritably, then he closed his eyes and curled his fingers around his cock.

He tried to think of the last woman he'd been attracted to, or the cute girl at the corner shop, or even Mrs. Gideon, though it'd been a while since he'd even seen her... anyone... but all that kept popping into his mind was the way Vince felt against him in bed, the way he was oddly sexy when he was scat singing, and how Vince had hugged him the day he'd come back from his nightmare with the student loans people. The brilliant blue of Vince's eyes crossed Howard's mind's eye, the smell of Vince's hair...

Soon Howard's body was tightening with pleasure. He stroked hard and fast until white streaked his hand and the shower wall, and then his body went limp.

"Oh, God," he panted, squeezing his eyes shut tighter, his body vibrating with the aftershocks of his orgasm. After a moment, he slumped down and sat on the shower floor, running his fingers through his hair and letting the water pelt the top of his head.

When the water started to turn cold, the gentle hum of pleasure he was feeling got washed away, and he reached forward to turn the water off, then stood to get out of the shower. He dried himself, and then wiped the steam off the mirror and looked at himself.

It wasn't until then that it really hit him what he'd just done. He'd fantasized about Vince.

He sucked in a breath that didn't want to come, reaching up to touch his own reflection. He pointed straight at his eyes, even if he only really touched his own finger in the mirror. "Don't you do this to me, sir. I'm Howard Moon. I'm a... I'm..." He trailed off, unsure how he'd meant to finish that.

Clearly something horrible had happened to him when he'd been swimming around inside of Vince. That was the only possible explanation for this.

~
Next Installment: Wife and... Wife

Date: 2009-08-08 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weekendgothgirl.livejournal.com
Oo-er it's getting dramatic now lol.
Bless Howard though thinking theres something wrong with him cos of Vince haha.
Can't wait for more!

xxx

Date: 2009-08-08 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
LOL No kidding! Maybe too dramatic. *slaps wrists* ;)

Thanks!

Date: 2009-08-08 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weekendgothgirl.livejournal.com
Haha no, it's all good! ;)

xxx

Date: 2009-08-09 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
I keep telling them they're supposed to be funny, and the last two ficlets they've been angsting at me. They need to shape up! ;)

Date: 2009-08-09 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weekendgothgirl.livejournal.com
Gasp have they deliberately been angsty despite express orders to be funny, thats not on!
*Shakes finger at fics* listen to her she is your creator, she ultimately controls you lol.

xxx

Date: 2009-08-09 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
LOL Well, less creator and more temporary puppet master. :P

Date: 2009-08-09 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weekendgothgirl.livejournal.com
LOL well it would be polite ;)
Theres no need for bad behaviour...... well there is but no in this instance lol :P

xxx

Date: 2009-08-08 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monooccularcat.livejournal.com
I keep saying this but... I just really love your characterisations, especially of Howard's denial and pompous stupidity. I love him arguing with his cock - that he han't permitted himself intimacy of ANY form for a while. Very 'him'.

Date: 2009-08-08 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
*G* I don't mind hearing it! Given how little time I've been in the fandom, it's nice to know it's all coming out right. And, you know, I had originally thought I would like writing Vince's POV the best, but I'm really getting into Howard's mindset! :)

Date: 2009-08-08 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crowson75.livejournal.com
It seems very very right that Howard would argue with his own body, not to mention that he would absolutely fixate on that one line. Bless his heart... he's freaked himself out completely.

Plus... I'm with Howard, Vince scat singing is oddly sexy.

Date: 2009-08-08 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
I'm sort of mistreating the poor guy, aren't I? LOL

(And I agree as well. For no reason that I could possibly put my finger on.)

Thanks!

Date: 2009-08-08 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fingerbleed.livejournal.com
<3 I just got into this pairing, and I read all of the fics in this series of yours in one go. Totally LOVED all of them. <3 You write these characters so well! There will be more, right? *hopeful* If so, can't wait! :D

Date: 2009-08-09 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
*G* Thanks! I'm hoping more comes out, yes. :)

Date: 2009-08-09 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bookends999.livejournal.com
I've been going back and forth about this series but now I'm into it and am looking forward to the rest :)

Date: 2009-08-09 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
LOL Was it the Howard angst or the (light) smut that got you? ;)

No, but really, thanks. Glad you like it now!

P.S. Mmm, icon.

Date: 2009-08-09 07:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xthursdaynextx.livejournal.com
Silly Howard!! Enjoying this series :)

Date: 2009-08-09 11:31 am (UTC)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2009-08-09 11:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
Thank you! :)

Date: 2009-08-09 02:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] laeta.livejournal.com
Oh, Howard's finally coming round!

Lester had me in stitches *g*

Date: 2009-08-09 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
Hee! Lester was surprisingly fun to write, though I worried I might have had some Bob Fossil leaking into it. :P

Thanks!

Date: 2009-08-09 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hikethekilt.livejournal.com
I enjoyed Howard trying to reason with his cock far, far too much. XD

And of course Howard would've found Vince's scatting sexy, how did I not realise that?

Date: 2009-08-09 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] severity-softly.livejournal.com
LOL I'm sure Howard sort of wishes that stayed as a side effect of the jazz cell's invasion. But I'm sure he's just happy to have his w00bie alive. ;)

Thanks!

Date: 2009-08-10 11:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] splatterdick.livejournal.com
Awwww, poor Howard.

Date: 2009-08-11 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buff-iroh.livejournal.com
Amazing series, I love how you write them. Can't wait for more!!!

Date: 2009-08-11 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westerdrumlins.livejournal.com
I've just read all these and was excited to click on the next one only to find this is the end (for now) !
can't wait for more :)
oh, Howard, you minx x.

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