Today's today

[severity_softly]

What do you guys think of the new user pic? It's the Hansen Writing Ball. You know those people that have the non-fandom user pics that they've kept as a default so long that the userpic sort of identifies them? I can haz it? Well, I hope so. I'm giving this one a whirl and we'll see if it lasts. I like it because it's writerly and it looks like art. I'm telling you, this old typewriter has me by the balls; it gorgeous. I would love to own one. Anyway, what do you guys think?

So I had therapy today, which was mostly okay. I had to explain what my little episode of "GET ME OFF THESE FUCKING DRUGS" was all about. In talking about it, I think we determined that it was the highs that I was missing. The creativity. The focus. And, I'm not gonna lie, the sex drive. She was saying that the Prozac can sometimes have a "flattening" effect on emotions, and now that I've added the Geodon to my arsenal of pills, we can step back the Prozac and see if that makes a difference. If not, we may add Welbutrin to it. Oh yay, four drugs. Somehow we went from me wanting to get off all of it, to talking about adding another drug. Wtf. *headdesk* I know it's not unusual for bipolar people to be on a "cocktail" of meds, but it still bugs me. *sigh*

Comments

[florahart]

So, I'm neither bipolar nor depressed, but do have a hell of a time with what probably falls under social anxiety disorder or something. I learned by accident (because doctors are weirdos, and they tried several of them when my sleeping was such a mess) that some antidepressants repair this completely, but I don't like myself on them for the same reason: that flattening thing. Or rather, I bore myself, and it's not okay and even though the anxiety thing is pretty debilitating for me sometimes, I don't think I would willingly medicate it all the time for this reason. I *might* be coerced to take short-term medications for specific tasks that require me not to fall to pieces with anxiety, but that's case by case.

So, despite that I don't deal with the exact same things you do, I hear you, and I at least think I kind of understand. I am grateful that I basically have a tolerable choice in the matter, and I hope you come to a solution that works for you.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Do you take anything for it now? I used to have panic attacks really badly in my teens. They gave me small doses of zanax for it, and that seemed to help.

[florahart]

I don't. I suppose I could look into it, and I think about it occasionally, usually when I'm in the middle of coping with unexpectedly being forced to do something in or in front of a group, but, ugh, side effects. I probably should see about having something on hand, but meh, too many drugs for the asthma and allergies, anyway. Stupid body.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

The icon weirds me out a little bit, dont ask me why, but I also find it interesting. So, I like it : )

As for the meds, yeah, they're helping you but you're not able to do some of the creative things you want to do. I think its important to talk to your doctor about it and get some things changed around if you can. Some medications are better than others at giving you less of a deadening affect and allowing creativity and sex drive to be released. I know Wellbutrin never affected any of those things for me, but Topamax did and it had to go. Everyone is different of course, but I do know what you mean.

*hugs*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Oddly, it sort of weirds me out too. ;)

The more I hear about Welbutrin, then more it sounds like a good option.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I know it was wonderful for me and for other people as well but everything's thing is different, you know? My one friend in England cant even get it because its not available there for anti-depressant, I think they use it for something else. Anyhoo, I hope your doctor can make it work for you in conjunction with some of the other things you're taking.

Oh, and Murry told me to tell you that her mother soaked Spam in water for about 15 minutes to lower the sodium content. Then she fried it. I told her I doubted you cared but she's my mom and made me promise to tell you : )

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Soaked in water? Really? And it didn't lose flavor or get all mushy?

Also, I've meant to ask you before why you call your mom by name? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

Nope, it doesnt. Might want to only do it for 5 minutes or so....these days are made differently than 30 years ago. Or maybe just rinse it.

My mom's name is Mary. Murry is kinda her nickname, we've been calling her that for years. One of my friends came up with it when we were teenagers though for the life of me I cant remember what friend it was now. Kinda like a haha that stuck.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I'll try it. I don't care too much, but I probably should with my blood pressure. I do like the saltiness of it, though.

Oh! Okay, that makes sense. :)

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

the cocktail is scary, I won't lie. i went (briefly) to a bipolar support group and there were people there taking 6, 7 drugs just for the disorder and another 3 or 4 for various other problems. and, yeah, it totally makes me fear an OD.

I wanted to take some hydrocodone last night for the pain in my side, but i didn't know how it would react with the trileptal, so i just skipped the trileptal and took the hydrocodone. cause who knows? it's all a big mess.

but as i've tried going off of or taking lower doses of the various elements of the cocktail, i see how much i actually need each one working in conjunction with the others. as long as your doctor's smart (which she sounds like) and is actively working to see what the interactions are between drugs, i think you'll eventually start feeling less overmedicated and more stable. (and, IMHO, I'd rather be a little hopped up than flat-lining. But that's just me).

hang tough!

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and part of why it's so scary is that a lot of GPs don't see drugs like the ones bipolars are given, so they could have no idea about the interactions. I mean sure, my doc may know Prozac, and possibly Lamictal, since its main purpose is to treat epilepsy, but would he know Geodon, the anti-psychotic? And I've been unusually sensitive to the sedating effects of that one, so taking something like hydrocodone would really scare me. Might be a one way trip to coma-ville. And yeah, she was telling me about people that have come to her from other doctors on 7 or 8 drugs. Fortunately she says she likes to use as few as possible.

Can I ask why you only went to the support group briefly? She just suggested trying something like that yesterday, just to see if it's something that might help.

[kosmickway.livejournal.com]

The support group wasn't really offering support. It was a place where a lot of people who were A LOT wore disordered that I was were gathering for what amounted to bitching sessions. I wanted a group that would discuss strategies for living with bipolar instead of people who are wallowing in it.

Plus, there was NO ONE in that group under 40 years old. I needed to talk to people my own age who have the same daily pressures I do. Most of these people were on disability for their disorder. Kinda scary.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Ah, yeah, I can see that bitch session thing. It happens that way at AA sometimes too, but there is a structure to those meetings and we at least try to stay on topic.

[katewallace.livejournal.com]

I like the icon , though I will confess I thought it might be the business end of some sort of weapon (which, if you think about it, it is ..the pen is mightier than the sword, etc.)
And it does look like art, and sort of confused me as to how it could be a weapon...anyway, I like typewriters, my Dad repaired them for a living.

Can't speak to the "cocktail" issue, but know that I'm thinking of you every day (and worrying, a little ) and I hope you can find your way to a happier place. *hugs*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

LOL I don't see weapon, but I could see some sort of torture device. *g*

Thanks.