A mishmash of things

[severity_softly]

So I'm off for the next two days. I spent today at work being depressed because of that. Isn't that the most messed up thing ever? I've gotten to the point that my depression is so bad on my days off that I don't even want them. I did get in to therapy this afternoon, though. I think talking about it helped, and we've added Welbutrin to my repertoire of head meds. The Prozac obviously had no middle ground between feeling emotionless and crying all the time. So we left the Prozac where it is and added the new drug. Hopefully it will help balance me out without making me a zombie. I hadn't realized how bad that actually was until now.

I have some plans for tomorrow, though. Hopefully that will make the day easier. I'm meeting my sponsor at a noon AA meeting. Then later carolinecrane is taking me out for dinner before we go to another writers group meet up. We'll see if that goes better than the last one.

So I haven't really been talking much about work here, but there is some stuff to catch up on. Our owner is building a new property (well, I think it's almost finished, actually), and he's been talking about bringing people over there to help open the new property. He's told me he wants me to "set the standard", and I have been trying to do that. I know he often (at least he used to) promotes from within, and I'm really hoping that I will be considered for a managers position. The problem is that I'm afraid I might be getting my hopes up for a position that's not even on the table. Dr. M says I should just outright ask him, that I should make it known that I want that. This is a prospect that terrifies me. Any thoughts, guys?

Randomly, I was talking to my sponsor today, and God came up again. What she said was something that had been talked about in the convention too. The AA thing is "God either is or he isn't". If forced to make that choice right now, I would say he isn't. So where does that leave me in AA? *sigh*

Comments

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

I don't think it matters whether there is a God. I mean, yeah, for people who have a strong faith in God, there's some comfort in that, but whether God is there or not, you still have to be a moral person and take care of your body and live your life. If you believe in God, you still need human support, and if you don't, you still have the same ethical imperatives.

Also the world is full of wonders no matter how you think it got here.

Do you want to be a manager? I think you would be good at it.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I agree.

Admittedly, if I could get paid a lot more and do my current job, I would do that. But that's not going to happen. So I don't think I'd mind managing (in fact I would be less bored during the day, actually), and I think I could be good at it too.

[carolinecrane.livejournal.com]

It is so weird that they basically force religion on you. I mean, why does it matter so much? Rhetorical question.

Asking for promotions is totally scary, but I've discovered in my current position that it's worth the risk. You have nothing to lose at all, and all you're really doing is letting the management know that you're interested in taking on more responsibility. That's the kind of initiative they *want* to see in the people they choose to be leaders in the company, and they can't see it unless you show it to them, you know?

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Because according to AA, you can't get sober without "turning your will and your life over to God". Heh.

I just don't even know if I can do it without shaking, and shaking when asking doesn't exactly show confidence, you know?

[carolinecrane.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I have absolutely been there, though luckily I have found a way to get myself over that, at least in my professional life. (Still working on the personal!) Any chance you could send an e-mail? Or even write a memo. Both equally professional, and it gives you a paper trail, which is often a good thing.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I think if you want a manager position you should make it known. If he wants you toe "set the standard" and you're trying to do that I think you should definitely say you hope you're being considered for a position at the new place. There is nothing wrong with talking to management about your future with the company. I know how hard it is, I've done it a couple of times with my boss. I was shaking the whole time but always felt better afterward. Even if it doesnt go the way you planned, just doing it is a step in the right direction for yourself and your abilities.

As a person who has faith and does believe at least in a higher power even if its not capital G-O-D, I have to say, I agree with schemingreader. Everyone cant believe in the same thing and there has to be a way for everyone to get the help they need mentally and physically without all prescribing to the same philosophies. I think where that leaves you with AA is to keep going. You also keep going to therapy, perhaps your therapist could even recommend an addiction specialist or another support group for alcoholics that doesnt revolve around religion or finding God. IDK, I hope that's remotely helpful.

I'm glad your doctor is letting you test out Wellbutrin and I hope you have a fantastic day off tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

LOL I'm not sure how I would feel better about it if it didn't go the way I planned. I might cry if he says he's not looking to promote someone from one of his other properties/me. That would look very cool and professional, will it? :P

I know of a couple places that the the AA without God thing, but none of them have meetings in my area. I wish I had the confidence to start a group up.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. But if he's eyeballing you, he's doing it for a reason. I surely respect your apprehensions though. I practiced in the mirror before I did it. It also helped that I already had a decent relationship with my boss. He knew I was nervous, I think someone would be silly to think you wouldnt be, just for the reasons you stated, but nervousness about the unknown doesnt mean you wont be ready to be a leader when the time comes. IMHO.

I wish they had one in your area because I think pressure about anything, including God, is not good for people who are just looking for help. That's not the kind of thing you can fake it til you make it on, know what I mean.

[innerslytherin]

No comment on the God issue. :P

No, wait, I DO have a comment. I find it bizarre that their opinion is so absolute. While I am 100% a believer, I do understand how easy it must be to have doubts. There have been times in my life that I have doubted or wondered why God didn't seem to care. I find the agnostic opinion more comprehensible than the atheist one.


So I think you should talk to the owner about it. Tell him that you're interested in managing if you move to the new property. Even if you're shaking, it's okay. What's that quote about bravery not being about the absence of fear, but about doing in the presence of fear? :)

[ubervirgin.livejournal.com]

I think you should totally let your boss know that you are interested in the position. Even if you just tell him that you see yourself having a future with the company and really hope that the new location means that you could potentially be promoted.

And, btw hun, you would be awesome at it. So think happy thoughts, because ILU. ^_^

[katewallace.livejournal.com]

I know how hard it is sometimes to promote yourself to people in authority ( I always find it much easier to say, "No, I don't want that promotion." ) but in this case, I think you should go for it. The owner has seen something in you and your work for him that he likes, or he wouldn't have mentioned "setting the standard" . I would personally go the 'mention to him that you'd like to be considered for any opening that would be available in management' route..he knows you're interested in advancement but you're not being too 'in his face' about it. And the ideas about sending a memo or an e-mail sound pretty good too..a paper trail is usually a good thing. Or do both..mention it to him and then later that day, send a 'reminder' e-mail..something along the lines of "I know you've got a lot going on and I just wanted to remind you about our conversation etc...." I do hope things turn out okay for you on the work front. And in everything else, as well. *hugs*